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The second season of Buffy was its first full season and we were given more insights into Cordelia's character than ever before.

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Cordelia: Well, his body could fall out of a closet somewhere. So we should check some closets to see if he's in a closet?
Xander: (points at her) You're right. There could be a closet. Let's go.  (submitted by Wravyn)

Xander: "Tell Angel I'm gonna' kill him. No, wait. I'm gonna'  kill you! Die! Die! Die! Aahhh--bwoosh! Mother?"
Cordelia: "Is that it?"
Xander: "That's it. Scene."  (submitted by LadyJ218)

"I think it's great to do that before you go out and fail in the  real world. That way, you're not falling back on something. You're  falling...well, forward." (submitted by LadyJ218)

"Don't touch me!  You have fish hands!"  (submitted by LadyJ218)

"How about because you're a tiny, impotent Nazi with a bug up his butt the size of an emu?" (submitted by LadyJ218)

"Who died and made you Elvis?" (submitted by Zak)

"I do what I wanna do, I wear what I wanna wear, and you know what? I'll date whoever the hell I wanna date! No matter how lame he is!"  (submitted by Brittney)

"There are books on computers?  I thought the point ofcomputers was to replace books."  (submitted by Elora)

Giles:  Cordelia!
Cordelia:  What!? Why does everyone always yell my name?  I can take a hint . . . What's the hint?
Giles:  I'll talk to you later.
Cordelia:  Yeah, after you've visited decaf land.  (submitted by Elora)

Cordelia:  (talking about Giles) I didn't notice anything yesterday whenI saw him talking to the police.
Buffy:  And you waited to tell us this because . . .?
Cordelia:  I didn't think it was important.
Xander:  We understand - it wasn't about you.
Buffy:  What was he talking about?
Cordelia:  Oh, don't tell me - I know this one.  It was something about a . . .homicide.  (submitted by Elora)

"The demon's gone - there was no one dead to dive into.  I mean, none of us are dead, right?"  (submitted by Elora)

Cordy: Xander, I know you take pride in being the voice of the common wuss, but the truth is, certain people deserve special priviledges - they're called winners.
Xander: And what about that nutty "all men are created equal" thing?
Cordy: Propaganda spouted out by the ugly and less deserving.  (submitted by ~ceridwen~)

"Xander? Oh my God, Xander. It's me, Cordelia. I know you can't answer me, but... God, this is all my fault. You joined the swim team to impress me, you were so courageous. And you looked really hot in those speedos. And I want you to know that I still care about you, no matter what you look like. And we can still date... or not. I can understand if you want to see other fish. I'll do everything I can to make your quality of life better. Whether that means little bath toys or whatever." (submitted by Mesuvius)

Halloween

Cordelia: "Is Mr. I'm-the-lead-singer, I'm-so-great, I-don't-have-to-show-up-for-my-date-or-even-call gonna' be there?"
Oz: "Yeah, you know, he's just going by 'Devon' now."
Cordelia: "Well, you can tell him that I don't care, and that I didn't even mention it, and that I didn't even see you. So that's just fine."
Oz: "So what do I tell him?"
Cordelia: "Nothing! Jeez, get with the program."
Oz: "Why can't I meet a nice girl like that?"  (submitted by buggo)

"Look Buffy. You might be hot stuff when it comes to demonology or whatever. But when it comes to dating, I'm the Slayer." (submitted by Mesuvius, Blade-The Vampire Hunter, Jessica)

"He's a vampire.  Of course.  But not th cuddly kind.  Kind of like a carebear with fangs."  (submitted by LilJakey)

"Buffy?  Love the hair.  It just screams 'street urchin!'"  (submitted by Mesuvius)

"Hi.  I'm not a soldier.  Right?" trying to get into the armory  (submitted by Discodru)

"Pieces?  We get the pieces? Our job sucks!"  (submitted by gazoo and corrected by LadyJ218)

Killed By Death

"Half the school is out with the flu.  It's a serious deal, Buffy.  We are all worried about how gross you look" (submitted by The English Slayer)

"Boy, there's a demon for everything!" (submitted by TyMcNeal)

"Tact is just not saying true stuff" (submitted by Dhark, CordyKatie)

Lie to Me

Cordy: "I just don't see why everyone's always picking on Marie Antoinetette.  I can so relate to her.  She worked really hard to look that good, and people just don't appreciate that kind of effort.  And I know the peasents were all depressed--"
Xander: "I think you mean 'oppressed'"
Cordy: "Whatever.  They were cranky.  So they're like: 'Let's lose some heads!' Ugh, that's fair.  And, eh, Marie Antoinette cared about them.  She was going to let them have cake." (submitted by Mike)

Passion

"I had to talk my grandmother into switching cars with me last night!" (submitted by Chantrelle Waters)

"By sneaking into her room at night and leaving stuff? Why not just slash her throat or strangle her in her sleep or cut out her heart?.....What? I'm trying to help." (submitted by meccalova)

"Look around. We're in my daddy's car, it's just the two of us, there is a beautiful, big full moon outside tonight. It doesn't get more romantic than this. [insistent] So shut up!" (submitted by Mary Rose)

"You guys...I just...hate you guys!  The worst things always happen when you're around!"  (submitted by Nicky)

Some Assembly Required

Cordelia:  Hello! Can we deal with my pain, please?
Giles:  There, there.  (submitted by LadyJ218)

"I don't wanna go alone. I'm still fragile. (to Angel) Can you take me?  (submitted by LadyJ218)

"Darn, I have cheerleader practice tonight. Boy, I wish I knew we were gonna be digging up dead people sooner. I would've canceled."  (submitted by LadyJ218)

"Okay, I'm doing this under protest.  It is not fair that they're making participation in this year's science fair mandatory. I don't think anyone should have to do anything educational in school if they don't want to."  (submitted by LadyJ218)

"I didn't think yearbook nerds came out of hibernation till spring!"  (submitted by LadyJ218)

"Hi. Sorry to interrupt your little undead playgroup, but I need to ask Willow if she'll help me with my science fair project."  (submitted by LadyJ218)

"Right, 'cause I lie awake at night hoping you tweakos will be my best friends. And that my first husband will be a balding, demented, homeless man."  (submitted by minnie)

What's My Line, Part 2

"You dragged me out of bed for a ride?  What am I, mass transportation?"  (submitted by Blueronin)

(one of the rare moments where Cordelia is at a loss for words)
Cordelia: "Dorkhead!"
Xander: "Dorkhead!  You slash me with your words!"  (submitted by Elora)

Cordelia: I can't believe that I'm stuck spending what will probably be my last few moments on Earth here with you!
Xander: I hope these are my last few moments! Three more seconds with you, and I'm gonna... (steps closer)
Cordelia: (steps closer) I'm gonna what? Coward!
Xander: Moron!
Cordelia: I hate you!
Xander: I HATE YOU!
They look at each other for another second before grabbing each other and engaging in a mad, passionate kiss. It goes on for several seconds before they suddenly release each other and look at each other insurprise.  (submittted by Mina/Elizabetha)

When She Was Bad

"It stays with you forever. No matter what they tell you, none of that rust and blood and grime comes out. I mean, you can dry clean till judgment day, you are living with those stains."  (submitted by Monique)

Cordelia: Buffy. You're really campaigning for b*tch-of-the-year, aren't you?
Buffy: (turns to face her) As defending champion, you nervous?
Cordelia: I can hold my own. You know, we've never really been close, which is nice, 'cause I don't really like you that much, but... you have on occasion saved the world and stuff, so I'm gonna... do you a favor.
Buffy: And this great favor is...
Cordelia: I'm gonna give you some advice. Get over it.
Buffy: Excuse me?
Cordelia: Whatever is causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever, but get over it. 'Cause pretty soon you're not even gonna have the loser friends you've got now.  (submitted by Monique, ripley, and CordyKatie)